PRESENT TENSE
Chapter Twelve
Jack felt as though he were floating through
the darkness. Strange images imposed themselves, sometimes vague impressions, sometimes
flashing brightly. Occasionally, he felt as though he were hearing someone
speaking, but the words were indistinct, incomprehensible, and he tried not to
pay too much attention.
He didn’t know where he was, or how much time
had passed, but eventually he came upon a bright light, glowing in the
darkness, forming a tunnel of sorts. He saw people moving around the entrance
to the tunnel and came closer, wondering who they were.
The light blinded him for a moment, but
eventually he recognized his parents, standing at the front of the tunnel,
blocking his way. He wanted to continue down the tunnel; it seemed to offer
peace, and a freedom from pain, but they wouldn’t let him enter. Joining hands,
they stood before it, shaking their heads.
Jack had been confused at first; after all,
his parents had been dead for nearly seven years, but he soon realized what was
going on. He was dying, and they were trying to prevent that, knowing that he
could recover, that he could live out his life.
He stopped in front of the tunnel, not
knowing whether to insist that he be allowed to enter, or whether he should
turn back and go back through the darkness to whatever life awaited him. The
light was glowing, beckoning, but his parents’ faces were stern, their voices
insisting that he return to the land of the living. He wanted to stay with
them, wanted to be a part of a family again, but they pushed him away, their
faces compassionate but determined. He had been given a second chance, and they
wanted him to survive and live out his full life.
He looked at his parents, at their healthy,
glowing faces, so different from what they had looked like when they were
dragged from the burnt rubble of their house in Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin, by
firefighters and paramedics who had been too late to save them. It wasn’t too
late for him, they seemed to be saying, and he needed to go back before it was.
Jack looked at the expressions of love and
pride on their faces as they assured him that they would see him one day, but
not yet, and he wondered if they knew about the things he had done in his life,
about the months he had spent in juvenile hall, about the people he had hurt by
stealing from them. He opened his mouth to ask, and then realized that he
already knew the answer. Their pride was in his ability to get past the bad
things he had done, to accept that what he had done was wrong, to pay his debt
to society, and to move on into a good, worthwhile life. He suddenly wished
that they could have known Rose, certain that they would have loved her as much
as he did, but a part of him suspected that they did know about her, as they
knew about the other things in his life, and that they approved.
The voices in the background were louder now,
more urgent, and he could have sworn that he heard Rose calling to him, begging
him to come back. He looked back out into the darkness, and made up his mind.
He would live. Rose’s voice seemed to echo around him.
"I love you, Jack...you can get
through this...you’re going to be all right...you just have to wake up...I love
you..." Over and over, the words echoed through the darkness, drawing
him back. He looked back once, to where the tunnel of light had been, but it
had disappeared, leaving only the voices echoing in the darkness, leading him
back.
Strange sensations assaulted him—pain, heat
and cold, more voices, Rose’s prominent among them. He tried to speak her name,
tried to find her, but he felt as though he couldn’t speak. Vaguely, he heard
her speaking to him, pleading with him to wake up. He spoke her name again, and
this time he was certain he’d spoken. Jack felt hands holding his, restraining
him, as he tried to move. Then the hands gentled, caressing his hands,
squeezing them gently. He moved and felt a sharp pain in his head. A moment
later, the hands had moved to his head, turning it to the side, easing the
pain. The hands took his again, squeezing gently, the voice whispering urgently
to him to wake up. He responded, one hand moving to wrap around those holding
his, and slowly he opened his eyes to see Rose looking down at him.